


A True Love's Kiss

by Mad_Amethyst



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, POV Third Person Limited, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 08:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19001749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Amethyst/pseuds/Mad_Amethyst
Summary: When Percival came to Gaius's chambers in the middle of the night, Merlin knew that did not bode well...





	A True Love's Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sweety_Mutant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweety_Mutant/gifts), [Kandai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kandai/gifts), [Nebula5030](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebula5030/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Poisoned](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16267076) by [Sweety_Mutant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweety_Mutant/pseuds/Sweety_Mutant). 



> Hi, dear readers!
> 
> First of all, know that this fanfiction is the sequel of ["Poisoned"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16267076), written by my friend [Sweety_Mutant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweety_Mutant/pseuds/Sweety_Mutant). You should read it first, even if you should be able to understand what's going on without it. :)
> 
> Anyway, I'm glad I finally finished writing it! I have mixed feelings about this fanfiction, mainly due to the fact I was not doing well while writing most of it. I was only eager to be done with it and move on... So yeah, because of that I don't know if I'll ever like it, but I really hope you will!

Someone pounded the door of Gaius’s chambers, waking both their residents with a start.

“Gaius! Please, open the door!” a deep voice shouted, that Merlin recognised as Percival’s.

Intrigued, Merlin quickly changed clothes before leaving his bedroom. He came down the stairs, watching as the door shook every time it was met with Percival’s fists. Gaius muttered something as he took the candle he just lighted and finally opened the door to their midnight visitor.

“What is it?” he asked, maybe a bit curtly. In his defence, he had had too many short nights lately.

The alarm bells were not ringing, suggesting they were not under attack. So what was the emergency? Why did Percival sound so worried? Had there been an accident? Had someone fallen suddenly sick?

“It’s Gwaine,” the knight answered, and Merlin’s heart missed a beat. Gwaine? What happened to Gwaine?! “I found him lying in the streets during our round, and—well, I can’t wake him up.”

“What do you mean, you can’t wake him up?” asked Gaius. Merlin could only see his back from his current position, but he easily imagined him raising one eyebrow, waiting for more information.

“I talked to him, I shook him… I even slapped him…” confessed Percival, jaw and shoulders tense, “but he reacted to nothing.” He bent down on his right to take something—no, someone lying against the wall. “I didn’t know what else to do, so I brought him to you.”

Percival forced Gwaine’s arm around his neck, after which he put an arm around Gwaine’s waist to keep him standing.

 “You did well to bring him here. Put him on the table,” Gaius said, stepping aside to let Percival in while Merlin quickly cleared said table.

Once it was done, the knight did as he was asked. Gwaine looked like a corpse, pale and unmoving. But if Merlin stared at him long enough, he could see his chest slightly rising and falling. Whatever was wrong with Gwaine, at least he was still breathing.

Gaius left the candle on the corner of the table, and then he put a hand on his patient’s forehead. “No fever,” he informed, going on with his examination. He opened Gwaine’s mouth carefully and leant over him, approaching his ear close enough to listen to the knight’s breath, surely searching for any sign of trouble. “His breathing is shallow, but regular.”

Merlin’s heart was hammering in his chest. He wanted to help, but he knew that there was nothing more he could do for now. Gaius would tell him if he needed any assistance.

“You said you found him lying on the ground?” asked Gaius while he palpated the back of Gwaine’s head.

“Yes,” confirmed Percival, “why?”

Gaius removed his hand from Gwaine’s hair and brought it to the light of the candle. Two of his fingers had blood on them. “Either he hurt himself in the fall, or someone hit him from behind and he fell because of it,” he explained, his voice calm, but serious. Merlin tensed up from the other side of the table as his mentor added, “Did you find him face down?”

“No, on his back,” Percival replied. Then a frown appeared on his face as he seemed to understand what Gaius just implied. “Wait, are you suggesting there is an intruder in our walls?”

What if Gwaine was just a casualty? What if someone was currently threatening Arthur’s life? What was Merlin still doing here instead of going and protecting him?

“It was a theory, but not anymore,” Gaius told the knight. His eyes met with Merlin’s, and Merlin knew that his mentor could see right through him, see how anxious he felt. “If Sir Gwaine had been attacked from behind, he would have most probably fallen forwards. So that’s it. He fell on his own. The wound will need to be cleaned, of course, but I doubt that’s what’s keeping him unconscious at the moment.”

Percival sighed. “What’s wrong with him then?”

“That, I still have to find out.”

And with this, Gaius got back to his examination. He took the candle and held it above Gwaine’s head. He opened one eyelid, then the other to observe a potential reaction to the light. There was none.

“Bring me half an onion, Merlin,” he asked while he put back the candle on the table.

Merlin looked around and quickly found Gaius’s stock. He took an onion and cut it in two, blinking as the strong smell brought tears to his eyes. As discreetly as possible, he rubbed his eyes with his sleeve before giving Gaius what he needed.

“Thank you.” His mentor put the half onion under Gwaine’s nose straight away and waited.

Knowing the success of this method, Merlin was hopeful at first. But as Gwaine remained unaffected by the scent, he felt the weight on his heart grow. Gaius’s sour face did nothing to arrange that.

“What’s going on?” Percival asked, sounding nervous.

“Nothing,” said Gaius, moving the onion away. “that’s the problem.” He put his hands on the table and let out a sigh. “I’m afraid Sir Gwaine has been poisoned or cursed. Without the source of the poisoning or curse, there is only little I can do.”

Percival gulped. “But—”

Gaius interrupted him, adding, “This is no longer a suggestion, Sir Percival. Someone did this to Sir Gwaine intentionally. It can be personal, or he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Either case, the culprit went after a Knight of Camelot under the cover of the dark.”

Percival paled. “I should go,” he said, and got out of Gaius’s chambers in a hurry.

Merlin glanced at Gwaine’s unmoving form and then looked up at Gaius, searching for guidance. His heart hurt as if torn in two. Part of him wanted to go to Arthur and protect him from the threat, while the other part wanted to stay here and help finding a cure for Gwaine. He knew what he _should_ do, yet he could not bring himself to make that choice.

“Go,” decided Gaius for him. “I’ll take care of him.”

Merlin only hesitated for an instant before nodding and leaving. It was the right thing to do. Arthur needed him. _Gwaine too_ , he could not help but think. While it was also true, Merlin knew that there was not much he could do for his friend right now. He would be more useful by Arthur’s side. And, if they were lucky, maybe they would find the source of Gwaine’s condition while looking for the culprit.

Merlin was still running in the corridors of the castle when he heard the alarm bells. Percival had been fast. In a moment, the apparent tranquillity of the night was swept away, replaced by the rattling of armours as knights and guards busied themselves with searching for the potential intruder. Arthur’s chambers were well guarded, and Merlin was reassured when he was authorised inside.

“What took you so long?” complained instantly Arthur, arms crossed, still wearing his night clothes. Grumpy, but safe and sound.

Merlin helped him into his armour, explaining what he knew of the events at the same time.

“How is Gwaine?” Arthur asked with concern when he finished.

Merlin tensed. He could hear the real question behind these words. _Will he survive?_

“He’s stable for now. That’s all I know.”

There was a moment of silence during which Merlin could feel Arthur’s eyes on him. He tried to ignore it, focusing on putting each gauntlet on Arthur’s hands, but then Arthur said: “We’ll find who’s responsible for this.”

 _We don’t know that_ , Merlin wanted to retort, yet he kept that to himself and nodded instead. He knew Arthur meant well after all, even if that was not helping.

In the end, the night gave way to dawn without any progress. They could not find the culprit, not even a clue of their identity or what they had done to Gwaine. The place where he had been found earlier tonight by Percival was clean, apart from a few blood drops that surely came from Gwaine’s head injury.

Nothing… All that time lost, for nothing.

Merlin came back to Gaius’s chambers frustrated and tired, Arthur with him. The moment they entered, Gaius looked silently at them, not voicing the question he wanted to ask. Merlin just shook his head in response, which earned him a tired sigh from his mentor.

Arthur moved to the table, where Gwaine was still lying—but no longer in armour. He watched him for a brief moment before he turned his head to Gaius.

“Anything new?”

“Not much, I am afraid. Apart from the head injury, I found no recent external wound. I collected some food stuck between his teeth, but it is too little to be of any use.”   

“… Do you think you can save him?”

“I don’t know, Sir,” Gaius replied honestly. “I’ll search for a cure, of course, but it will be hard to find without more information. It could be many things, or none of them. Depending on the development of his condition, I may learn more and come up with a better diagnostic. In the meantime, I’m in the dark.”

Arthur pinched his lips together and walked to the door, clearly upset. He put his hand on the handle and started to pull it. Before he left, though, he said: “Whatever happens next, I know you’ll have done your best.”

And with this he was gone.

Merlin felt a bit upset by Arthur’s words. He knew they were meant to release Gaius from any responsibility if Gwaine were to die on his watch, but it sounded too pessimistic to his taste. Gwaine would not die. Merlin would not allow it.

With this thought in mind, and with renewed determination, he came close to his friend and took his cold hand into his.

“Merlin, you—” Gaius started, but then sighed, adding nothing else. He went to the door of his chambers and locked it.

Merlin thanked his mentor with his eyes for not trying to stop him, for giving him his approbation even. He focused on Gwaine and on the energy inside his own body, on this magical force running through his veins. He could do it. He had to.

“ _Onwac!_ ”

He felt his magic gather behind his eyes and in his hand, projecting itself onto the knight in a heartbeat. But Gwaine did not react, not even a little bit.

“ _Onwac!_ ” Merlin repeated, putting as much conviction into it as he could.

He had never been the best at casting healing spells, and sadly today seemed to be no different. He realised now that it was actually even worse, since he had no idea what he was up against. The spell he cast was a simple command. It could certainly wake a drunken person, probably also an unconscious one, but counter the effect of a poison or a curse? Of course not. Merlin had to think of something more powerful. A purifying spell.

“ _Ic i clǣnsieclǣnsiġe þu fram hearm._ ”

Nothing, apart from a little scar on Gwaine’s chin fading. Merlin was going to try one more spell when Gaius let out another sigh.

“Merlin…”

Merlin held Gwaine’s hand tighter. “I know,” he said, feeling the lump in his throat come back hard, becoming quite painful. He was on the verge of tears. “It’s just—I can’t—I can’t let him die, Gaius…” _Not him too…_

He heard his mentor come and stop just behind him. He felt a hand on his back, patting him. As if it would suffice to comfort him… His throat hurt so much he did not think he would be able to say another word. The pain was spreading in his ears, behind his eyes. He did not want to cry. Not now. It would be admitting his defeat.

“You won’t get any result if you keep on throwing spells blindly,” Gaius told him, his voice calm and pragmatic. “Take a few hours of rest. He is only sleeping. Don’t worry, he won’t die today.”

Merlin only nodded, feeling unable to form a sentence. He let go of Gwaine reluctantly and walked away, climbing the stairs to his bedroom. Once there, he looked around and quickly found the additional blanket he used during winter days. He took it, as well as an old shirt, and came back down to Gwaine’s side, under the fixed gaze of Gaius.

Carefully, he put the blanket on Gwaine’s body and the old shirt under his head. At least his friend would be more comfortable this way—he hoped, anyway.

 Still in silence, Merlin returned in his bedroom and closed the door. He threw himself on his bed, burying his head in his pillow. The pain was becoming too much to bear. A traitorous whine ended up leaving his mouth. From there, it was as if something had been unlocked inside him; he became unstoppable. He cried and buried himself even deeper in his pillow to cover the sound.

It was hard to recognise, but he had failed. His magic had been of no use. Merlin had to admit defeat for now, but it was not the end. He would not give up. Sometime today, tomorrow or later, Gaius and he would find a cure. They would save Gwaine. It was a promise. To his friend, and to himself…

* * *

 

Days went by, and Merlin regretted a bit more his promise at the end of each of them. Nothing had changed since that night, really. Gaius and he had looked through so many books, and they were still sailing in troubled waters.

They had moved Gwaine in Merlin’s bed. Merlin slept in the room too, but on the ground, with only a thick blanket serving as an improvised camp bed. He did not mind, that was good enough for him. He was used to it, after all—that was how he lived back at Ealdor. And this way he could watch over his friend.

Actually, what weighed more on Merlin’s heart was that he could not dedicate all his time to searching for a cure with Gaius. He still had his daily duties, and nothing could ever keep him away from Arthur for too long, especially with a possible threat near or inside the citadel.

So every day, when he got up, all Merlin could do was hope. Hope that it would be the day, the one where Gaius would find something. A lead, at least, if not the cure. And every night, his hope was crushed in pieces when he looked at Gwaine lying in his bed, still sleeping as soundly.

Merlin was not the only one to care, of course. Gwaine’s comrades came to visit regularly and they pestered Merlin with the same questions every time they ran into him—especially Percival. Merlin wished he had good news to give them; he wished he had not to see the disappointment in their eyes when he answered them truthfully; he wished he did not realise they were losing hope just like him.

Eight days had passed since the knight had been brought in Gaius’s chambers by Percival. They fed him soup and water twice a day, and controlled his health every night before bedtime. That was how they managed to keep him stable for now, but they both knew the truth: this would only work temporarily.

“He is getting weaker,” announced Gaius during Gwaine’s examination tonight.

Merlin crossed defensively his arms from where he was standing, near the bed. They did not need to be two for this task, and Merlin was always only here as an observer, which was probably better for his mental well-being. He was not sure he could handle examining Gwaine and seeing the progressive degradation of his health by himself.

“He’s not the kind to give up, Gaius,” he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. “He will keep fighting for as long as we do support him.”

Gaius released Gwaine’s wrist. “We won’t be able to keep this up forever, you know that. At some point, we’ll have to—”

“Could we talk about this another time?” interrupted Merlin, looking away. He knew exactly what Gaius was going to say and he did not want to hear it. No now, not ever. He was not ready to let Gwaine go. There was still a chance, however small it might be, that they would eventually find a cure for whatever evil Gwaine was suffering from. Was it not their duty to do their best to keep him alive in the meantime?

“Merlin…”

“Please, don’t.” His voice betrayed how desperate he truly felt. Maybe that was the reason why Gaius did not insist longer. Determined to keep his eyes on the bedside table, Merlin could only hear as the old man finally got up from the bed and walked to the door.

“Try to sleep,” Gaius said with a concerned tone.

“I will,” Merlin promised.

His mentor closed the door behind him, and Merlin found himself alone with Gwaine, as every night over the past few days.

Merlin’s day did not really end at the same time than Gaius’s. They never mentioned it, but Merlin was certain that Gaius was aware of what happened at night in Merlin’s bedroom.

After his first failure at healing Gwaine with magic, Merlin had not given up. He had looked through this one book Gaius had offered to him when he first came to Camelot, searching for any wake-up spell in there that he might have not learnt yet. Every night, he tested at least one—and variations of it. And every night, it became harder to witness Gwaine’s lack of reaction to each of those spells…

“Please, please wake up…” Merlin begged his friend after yet another failure. “I need you…”

It was useless, he knew it. A desperate call that would never be answered… just as when he had wished for Lancelot to come back after he sacrificed himself by going through that veil… wished for Freya to open her eyes again and smile at him after she went unresponsive in his arms… wished for his father to tell him he was all right after he took that killing blow in Merlin’s place…

Maybe he was cursed too… cursed to lose everyone he loved… Friends, lovers, family… Maybe it was Gwaine’s turn now… maybe Gaius would be next… and maybe someday Merlin would also lose Arthur…

Tonight, Merlin went to sleep with no more hope left in him. As he closed his teary eyes, he did not know if he felt like a disappointment, a curse or both…

* * *

 

Merlin barely slept that night, unable to silence the thoughts spinning in his head. He cried so much that he honestly did not know how he had still tears left in him. He did not want to think of this, but his mind kept bringing him to the same conclusion. _You have to let go. You have to let him go._ It hurt every time these words resonated in him, making the big hole inside his heart grow more and more. It was over. It had been over from the moment they had failed to find any clue to cure Gwaine…

Morning came too fast. The courtyard started to become lively, voices and hurried footsteps reaching Merlin’s bedroom through the closed window. A few sunrays passed through the slight space between the wooden shutter and the window frame. Among them, one came right to Merlin’s eyes, making him well aware of the time of the day.

He sighed and covered his eyes with his arm. He did not want to wake up. He did not want to have to get up and act as if he was fine when it was in fact just the opposite. His head was pounding, his eyes were burning. They would all see through his act. They would ask him questions, or worse… they would sympathize with him. As if he was right to give up…

But he had no way to escape this. If he stayed in bed for too long, Gaius would come sooner than later and knock on the door to wake him up. He had no excuse. So he did what he had to do: he got up.

As he opened the shutter, letting in the light, he turned his head to Gwaine’s form lying in his bed.

“Morning,” he said, spiritless. It had become a habit, greeting his friend in the morning, showing him he was not alone. It was probably stupid, not to say useless—there was actually little chance that Gwaine could hear him. And yet, Merlin felt the need to talk to him, today even more than before.

He moved to the bed and sat on the edge, near Gwaine’s sleeping face. Gently then, he pushed back a misplaced strand of hair on Gwaine’s forehead. “You know… I envy you right now… You seem so…” _peaceful_. He bit his lip. “Sorry, it’s unfair of me… I’m just—”

There was a lump forming in his throat, rendering the simple act of breathing difficult. He wiped away a few tears with his sleeve before they even had a chance to flow. _Stay strong_ , he said to himself. _Go on, get it all out._

“It’s so hard, seeing you like this and—and—I tried, Gwaine… I really tried, but I don’t know what to do anymore… I thought—I thought I would be enough… I thought I could save you…” _but I was wrong._ “I’m so sorry…”

He covered his mouth with a hand, choking back a sob. Each of his words hurt as a thousand needles piercing his heart. He thought he would be used to this feeling by now, given how many people he had already lost. But the pain was just as strong as ever.

He removed his hand to take a deep breath, grabbing the sheets from one side, Gwaine’s hand from the other. The skin was so cold under his touch; he wished the coldness would spread and freeze his heart.

“Gaius said you’re getting weaker… I—I didn’t want to see it… I didn’t want to believe that—that I was slowly losing you…” He squeezed Gwaine’s hand more, searching for a bit of courage. “It’s—I feel I never told you how important you are to me…”

He remembered their first encounter. The way Gwaine had joined the brawl in the tavern and protected Arthur without a second thought. When he had been lying unconscious in Merlin’s bed, like today. But it was different then; for they knew how to treat Gwaine. All he had needed after that was a couple of days to recover from his injury. Merlin wished it would be as simple now…

“When you were banished from Camelot by King Uther, I—I never expected us to meet again…” Would have it been better? No, certainly not. “But then Arthur took on a quest and insisted on going alone, so I had to save him again—obviously. And, well, Gaius said I could not do it alone this time, so… I started searching for you. I couldn’t think of anyone more reliable at the moment. Oh, if you knew how happy I was when I finally found you in this tavern, getting in trouble as usual! And when you said you were not doing this for Arthur but for me!” A smile grew on Merlin’s face as memories were surfacing. He did not know if he wanted to laugh or cry. “We parted again after that, but from then I was always hopeful we would run into each other someday. And we did. Not in the best circumstances, I must say, but I was happy just the same. And then Arthur knighted you and you chose to stay in Camelot.” His smile fell as he came back to the present moment. “You were always here when we needed you…” At the next blink of his eyes, tears were falling and he did not bother to stop them. “Where are you now, when I need you the most…?”

He should not have said that. He should not blame Gwaine for the condition he was in. It would not bring him back… Merlin was here to say goodbye, not to take it out on his friend. But memories kept pushing through and overwhelming him, flooding his mind with so many moments where Gwaine made him smile.

“You were always joking, being ridiculous even in the worst of times. You always found a way to lighten the mood, to cheer us up… but now who’s going to do it? Who’s going to make us laugh when we’ll be facing danger? Who’s going to make me forget this pain when you’ll be gone? You’ll never know how many tears I shed for you… You’ll never know how much I—how much I loved you…”

He did not even try to hold back the sob that forced its way through his throat this time. He wanted to be honest with himself. He needed to. It was the only way to finally accept reality and get some sort of closure.

“The truth is, I didn’t know either. I didn’t know before it was too late…” He laughed nervously, going on, “I’ve always been so slow for this kind of things.” Merlin wondered how Gwaine would have reacted hearing about his feelings. Would he have been embarrassed or happy? “Because of that, I’ll never know…” _if you would have loved me back…_

“It’s okay, you know, if you’re tired to hold on… It’s okay if you want to leave…” It was not okay, disagreed his heart in pain, but Merlin was not saying this for his own sake. He was saying it for Gwaine’s. If by any chance the knight could actually hear his words, he might have heard Merlin talk back to Gaius last night, or the nights before. He might have heard Merlin refusing to listen, insisting Gwaine could still fight. If so, Gwaine might feel compelled to hold on… Merlin did not want this. He wanted Gwaine to be able to leave in peace. “It will hurt, but… I’ll get over it… someday… I promise. I—” _I’m getting used to people leaving…_ He took a breath, stopping the bad words to get out of his mouth. “Just… please… I would just like to… properly say goodbye to you.”

Merlin let go of the sheets to wipe his tears with his sleeve, even if he knew it would not prevent them to fall again. Slowly, shyly and yet resolutely, he then leaned over Gwaine, still holding his hand as if his life depended on this. Their lips touched, just a slight contact, nothing more, or so Merlin had first thought. Now that he could feel Gwaine’s lips, soft but dry, warmer than he thought they would be, he wanted it to last. He could feel Gwaine’s life through that kiss, feel his feeble breath. _I wish time would stop right this moment…_ Predictably, it did not. Tears went on falling, rolling on his cheeks and reaching his lips, giving the kiss a salty taste—as salty as his heart felt.

That was it. The moment was gone. Just as slowly as he had moved closer, Merlin moved away, whispering a strangled “goodbye”. His vision was blurry from all the crying, but he glanced a last time at the peaceful, sleeping face of his dear fr—love. They would never be this close again. From now on, he would keep his distance or he would never be able to really move on.

He was going to release Gwaine’s hand, but then something unexpected happened: Gwaine’s hand moved and wrapped around Merlin’s. Merlin opened his eyes wide, staring at their two hands clasped together on the bed. His heart started pounding crazily. It was impossible. It was not happening. He must have fallen asleep at some point from crying too much—that or then he was delirious from grief.

“Merlin?” Gwaine’s voice was hoarse. Merlin turned his head to him, saw him blink a few times as if trying to get used to the light. “Merlin, is it me or did you just kiss me?”

From all the things to ask after waking up from so long a sleep, why would it be the first… except if, as Merlin thought, all this was indeed only in his head? So he gritted his teeth, closed his eyes resolutely and gripped hard the sheets with his free hand, forcing himself not to say anything. _It’s nothing, you’re going to wake up at any moment now._ And yet the hand holding his seemed to be getting only warmer…

“… Merlin?” There was concern in Gwaine’s voice now. “Are you crying?”

Merlin stayed silent, waiting anxiously for the dream to dissipate. Then, suddenly, the warmth in his hand left—and he had the decency not to search for it, even if his heart wanted to. _Is that it? Is it over?_

Tentatively, Merlin opened his eyes again… and was faced with Gwaine’s intense gaze. The next moment, Gwaine was brushing gently away the tears on Merlin’s face with his thumb.

Merlin gulped, feeling lost… and also a bit hopeful. He should not. He should not, but he could not help it. He wanted this to be real.

“Is—Is it real…?” he finally dared to ask.

“Huh? What do you mean? Of course it’s real… is it not?” Gwaine sounded confused and started looking around with a frown on his face. “Now I think about it, what am I doing in your room? Last thing I remember, I was patrolling around the citadel. Well, actually, I was doing a little break because I found an apple and—ahem, sorry, that’s not the point. What I’m trying to ask is… am I… dreaming—what happened?”

One moment, Merlin felt paralyzed, listening to Gwaine’s confused speech; the next moment, he was taking Gwaine in his arms, embracing him with all of his strength, making sure he would not go away. _It’s happening! He’s awake—he’s alive!_

“Wow! Merlin, what are you—”

“I thought I lost you, idiot!” he shouted, crying profusely against Gwaine’s chest.

Gwaine started to pat him kindly on the back. “There, there, it’s over. I’m here. Everything is fine now.”

Merlin knew he was right. At last it was over, after all these days of uncertainty—of despair. Gwaine was back in the world of the living. But even knowing this, Merlin could not regain his composure; he could not stop shaking.

“… Listen, Merlin, I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry to have caused you so much concern.” Gwaine suddenly hugged him back, giving him a kiss just above the ear in the process. “I won’t let you down again, I promise. I’ll never leave you.”

Following Gwaine’s words and actions, Merlin could hear his own heart pounding. The thought that Gwaine might hear it too embarrassed him so much that he feared his face was getting all red. But soon his mind grew anxious again, thinking a little too much of what the knight had just said and how it sounded wrong to him.

Consequently, he pushed back Gwaine and, looking anywhere but at him, whispered in a choked voice: “Don’t make promises you cannot keep…”

The memories of the people he had lost kept coming back, making him bitter. Gwaine was not gone this time and that was great… but someday it would happen. Death could not be defeated, even less by a silly promise…

Just thinking about it was enough to break his heart again. Merlin remembered all too well how he had felt lately, how despair had stealthily taken over him while he could only watch his most cherished person slowly perish. He never wanted to go through this again.

“Hey, hey, Merlin.” Gwaine’s voice sounded soft—yet with a pleading note into it—as he put his hands on Merlin’s cheeks. “Please, look at me. Look at me.”

Merlin could not help but obey, unable to ignore the knight’s pleas. Their eyes met, and then Merlin was at a loss. He had never seen Gwaine look so serious, so committed before.

“If you feel the same way that I do, please don’t push me away,” Gwaine went on, and Merlin’s heart went instantly crazy again. _Does it mean you—you lov—_ “I’ll give it my best. You know I could not bear to hurt you, right?”

“Y—Yes,” answered shyly Merlin while looking back on every little thing Gwaine had done for him since they knew each other. Thinking about it now, Gwaine had always put him first. Maybe… maybe he was not delusional after all. Maybe he truly was special to Gwaine, just as Gwaine was special to him. Surely Gwaine would not be so intimate if he only saw Merlin as a friend, would he? _But what if I’m wrong? What should I do?_

The atmosphere felt awkward now. Merlin blamed himself for it. He should say something, or at least stop being so tense. _What should I do? What should I do?_

“Merlin…” Gwaine said—probably in an effort to break the silence growing between them—and Merlin unwisely looked down at his lips. They were dry, with a few cracks here and there. Oh. Oh! Why did he not think of it earlier?! Gwaine must be so thirsty!

“Let me bring you fresh water!” he exclaimed, already preparing to raise and go.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Gwaine abruptly grabbed his arm, successfully stopping him in his tracks. “Forget water for now. Look, I—I’m going to take a leap of faith, so please don’t be too harsh if I read the signs wrong.”

Merlin did not even have the time to try and understand what he meant. The knight pulled on his arm, put a hand behind his head, and then suddenly they were kissing. Merlin blinked, surprised and honestly unprepared for this. _What—This—What’s happening—Are we—Did he—What am I—_

Merlin closed his eyes, shutting down the flow of thoughts in his mind. He was tired to ask himself all these questions. He remembered the feeling of these lips, the way Gwaine had felt alive during this kiss he had stolen. But now Gwaine was really here, with him, participating into this—even better, initiating it. So Merlin followed happily. He opened his mouth just slightly and let a gasp out when Gwaine’s tongue invaded his mouth. He did not know what he was doing. He had never been so far before, and the weird warmness spreading in his gut almost frightened him.

They were in their little world, hungrily savouring each other, when the door suddenly squeaked.

“Merlin!” Gaius called enthusiastically. “Sorry to wake you up, but I think I may have found—”

There was a thud that—even with his brain barely functioning—Merlin recognised easily as the sound of a big book hitting the floor. It brought him back to reality, and he separated—though a bit reluctantly—from Gwaine to face his mentor.

Gaius was standing at the door, a teasing smile forming on his face.

“Well, it seems you found it first.”

If Merlin thought he was embarrassed before at the idea of Gwaine hearing his heart beating, it was nothing compared to how he felt now…

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please tell me, because I have zero confidence in myself right now... I honestly don't know if this fic is good or not (my mind keeps whispering to me that it's trash). :/


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